Confronting the Quarterlife Crisis

Well, here it comes... the downhill side of twenty-something. A pity too, cause according to most lists I've found online, I didn't exactly get around to a good deal of the 25 things every-self-respecting-person-just-has-to-do-before-they-reach-25. I guess youth really is wasted on the young.

If you'd asked me last year or even a couple of months ago, I might have bought into the idea of the quarterlife crisis. I mean, you see that number looming and you know that means 30 is right on the horizon and suddenly you just get caught up in all the things you haven't done-- all the places you haven't travelled to, the milestones you haven't reached, the pounds you haven't shed. All of that bubbling potential, all those expectations levied on you when you graduated high school, what have they amounted to, you wonder? Just where is my life going? And, if you've spent any time living in Provo, why aren't I married yet?

You look around and it's all like, oh there's Adele winning another Grammy. And don't even get me started on that skank Jennifer Lawrence, whose got an Oscar and two years in hand on me (seriously though, I love the crap out of that chick). Even your friends with "normal" lives seem to have it all figured out-- working important jobs, starting families, buying houses. And then, of course you realize that your dad had four kids by the time he was your age.

It's hard to avoid that engulfing sense of panic and dread, when the real world is beckoning and you can't make out which path it is you're supposed to be taking, through the early-adulthood haze caused by struggling to carve out your own identity, coping with fear of failure or loneliness and realizing you have to actually confront life decisions rather than avoid them or put them off. Then questioning, how do I even know if I'm making the right decision?

You know how when you're little the world seems so exciting because it's wide open and your parents assure you that you can, unequivocally, be anything you want to be? But somewhere along the line, people stopped asking what you wanted to be in that indeterminate future when you grew up. Somehow your future snuck into the present and now everyone wants to know what you ARE doing with your life and you feel like you should have a better answer than "sucking Nutella off a spoon and screaming at the TV while watching the Bachelorette".

I think part of what makes it all so jostling is that I was one of those kids who supposedly had it all figured out. I have planned my entire life 20 times over. The problem is that life doesn't seem to have gotten the many memos about all my wonderful plans.

But you know what? I'm glad.

Some of the best things that have happened in my life were brought about by the unwelcome moments when my life seemed to veer wildly off the course I charted for it. I'm learning that it's ok to not have everything 100 percent figured out... as it turns out, it doesn't matter what rung of the ladder you're on, so long as you're heading in the right direction. And I truly believe there is someone out there who knows better than I do, who has built a better life for me than I could have envisioned for myself, and He is guiding me so long as I want to put my trust and faith in Him. As for me, I'm enjoying the journey.

Besides, who wants to reach the destination at 25? Then what?

In recent months I've shared some of my feelings about this big quarterlife moment with a few close friends and the number one response I've gotten (besides maybe "Give me a break, you're still a baby!") is that I need a healthy dose of perspective. I'm the first to admit that I've done some pretty cool things in my life, but it's helpful to be reminded that life is about more than a series of items to knock off a bucket list (though that's a lot of fun!)

With that in mind, I endeavor to get some clear perspective over the next few days. Instead of looking at someone else's list for what I should have accomplished by now I'm going to go by my own standards and share my own "top 25" lists-- outstanding moments from my life so far, friends I've been blessed with, things that make me smile, books that matter to me. If we're all lucky, maybe it will even mean something to you. But, if you've made it this far and you feel so inclined, please leave me a message to let me know how you felt or feel about turning 25 (or any other age that maybe made you reflect on your life a little bit).

In the meantime, in case you're wondering what I'm doing with my life... I'm living it (and probably watching the Bachelorette, too). Cause you know, YOLO and stuff.