I won't be less than what I am

So there’s this guy in one of my classes… We randomly sat beside each other on the first day and we’ve been talking for months now. Recently, in typical fashion he asked me if I had any hot date plans for the weekend and instead of replying with my usual sarcasm, I kind of complained about the fact that I don’t tend to get asked out very often… at all. To which he replied:

“You’re kind of intimidating. You have a lot going for yourself and I think guys have a hard time picturing themselves as a part of your plans.”

Apparently, as he went on to explain, there’d been a point that he wanted to ask me out, but when he heard about all the stuff I had going on in my life and saw how outspoken I was, he lost his nerve. Not long thereafter he started dating—no joke—a Family Life major. 

First of all, telling me I’m intimidating is not flattering, for you or for me. At the risk of offending those stereotyped as purely seeking an MRS degree, the message I got from that conversation is that I would be significantly more datable if I wasn’t quite so busy and goal driven, and more meek. Oh, and that guys generally lack balls (which I’m not entirely inclined to believe).

Second of all, I call BS!! Excuse my French, but I have reason to believe that there are other factors, more physical perhaps, from which most guys pre-determine that they don’t really want to date me. I do and I don’t have a problem with this, but that is not something I want to get into here.

Third, what on earth is wrong with an ambitious woman?

Concessions: Yes, I have a busy schedule and a lot going on in my life. Yes, I get excited about personal goals and I work towards them. Why? Because I want my life to be full! This is not to say that I don’t think that my life would be full as a full time mom and wife… in fact, that’s exactly what I do want to fill my life with. Seeing as how that’s not a prospect on the horizon for me right now, I want to fill my life in a meaningful way. I’m not going to sit and read the dictionary on Friday nights (http://universe.byu.edu/node/13392), waiting for some guy to come along and make all my dreams a reality.

While being a wife and mom is what I want most, and I would ultimately give up anything to achieve those things, there are other things I’d like to accomplish in my life. Besides, why should I be bored and lonely just to stroke some male ego into thinking that he’s the most important thing I’ve got going on? Wouldn’t it be more validating to know that someone is making a choice, and foregoing other things to be with you? Isn't it more humbling to know that a woman is capable of taking care of herself but she elects to trust her care to you? 

What it comes down to is that I’m attempting to take the time now to work on myself, develop my skills, and expand my horizons because I am striving to become the type of woman, wife and mother that I ultimately want to be. I refuse to believe that it takes a man to make me whole. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a total blue personality. My core motivation in life is intimacy—sharing rich, deep emotions that bind people together.

It’s just that I see “finding your other half” and finding someone who “completes” you as two different things. For me, the latter is a function that can only be fulfilled by our Savior, Jesus Christ. I am a strong proponent of love triangles involving God (which sounds weird, I know… but if you understand the principle of a triangle- how the distance between the base points is shortened if the distance between each of them and their common point is shortened- then you know how individual relationships with God strengthen a couple’s relationship).

I think that learning to become one in a relationship does not mean McGyvering together two things that are less than what they are capable of being. I subscribe to the belief that it takes two complete and complimentary individuals to form a true, eternal relationship because you cannot fully give of yourself unless you are whole to begin with.  Logically, I suppose it takes a strong man to balance out a strong woman.

If you knew anything about me at all, you would know that I would sacrifice any amount of time, personal effort or convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships that last through the trials that life throws at them. 

So yes, I am ambitious. I am confident. I am goal driven. I am intelligent. I am busy. I am spiritual. I am outspoken. I am opinionated. And you probably won't ever describe me as meek or submissive in a relationship scenario. So, it appears as though I am totally capable of taking care of myself, but I am also vulnerable. I have a multitude of weaknesses and insecurities. If you want to truly know me, you need to invest time in me. You just might find my softer side and see that I am also loyal, compassionate, romantic and affectionate, for example. 

My message for men is this: If you're that intimidated by a woman who can hold her own, then you are not at all what I am looking for either. And hey, you might not realize it, but I happen to know that you are missing out on something pretty great.