In many ways I am extremely lucky. Born into a family of relatively early-starters (marriage and babies-wise), I have been able to enjoy all four of my grandparents my whole life. In fact, I have memories with almost all my great-grandparents, including a couple still living. The unconditional love and color they have each added to my life is a unique blessing for which I am very grateful. The support and encouragement they have contributed has been a determining factor in how I've turned out. I am saddened to say that I have largely taken them, and the time that I've had with them for granted.
In September, my grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It has been an uphill battle since then, featuring largely bad news at every turn and the doctors are not very hopeful about her prognosis.
Before she was sick, I never took the time to learn about who she really was. I don't know her favorite color, or what she dreamed of being as a child. I don't know about her first boyfriend, or how she met my grandpa. I don't know much about what life was like for her as a young mom, and without Facebook, I'm not sure I could tell you what her birthday is. It's both beautiful and tragic that we can implicitly love and trust someone so much without ever actually knowing them.
My grandma will be 63 in April. My youngest cousin is only 2 years old, and it makes me sad to think that he may not grow up with memories of receiving hand-knit slippers every Christmas, enjoying grandma's signature clam dip on visits, or knowing the significance of a road trip with grandma and a little stuffed rabbit named Thumper. What strikes me about this is that even if I don't really know ABOUT my grandma, I know her. I have felt her love and warmth my whole life.
I am especially lucky because I have been given the gift, not of time, but of recognition of time. How often do people lose loved ones suddenly, without any chance to tell them how much they meant, or even a simple goodbye? Life just gets in the way. Distance makes spending time together hard. Isn't it telling that the first time ALL of us- my siblings, cousins, aunts, etc.- have been together was this past Christmas, after my grandma's diagnosis?
The value of my grandmother's life didn't inherently change because time became limited. Every one of us has limited time here on earth... sadly, some of us never learn to cherish that time as precious. I am blessed with a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and the knowledge that my entire family could be reunited someday. While my various family members have their differing beliefs about God and heaven and the like, none of them has the supreme sense of comfort that I have through that knowledge. I am truly blessed and my family has been blessed with these last few months, no matter how trying they are.
My hope is just that we learn from this experience, and take the time to let each other know how much we love and value them. I hope that I will remember this, and take the time to actually get to know my parents, and my cousins, and my siblings. As I do, I am sure that I will be strengthened in my resolve, and less susceptible to temptations, because I will want so badly to be with them forever.
"We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us."
President Thomas S. Monson
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