Living Plan B and Loving It

I've long referred to the path I'm on as Plan B. 

For a long time, I said "Plan B" like it was a dirty word, sour in my mouth. I was enveloped in a general sense of discontent, restlessly unhappy with my inability to make Plan A happen. I mean, by definition, Plan B is less desirable than Plan A- that's why it's Plan B, right? There is a special kind of anguish that comes from not being able to realize your heart's greatest wishes, and it can lead to a kind of bitterness that robs you of your happiness- if you let it.

For a while I did. I felt as though Plan A was my true calling, and my life lacked purpose and meaning without it. I found it frustrating and disheartening that I could be so well suited for something, and feel so powerless to achieve it. These feelings tested my faith and ate away at my happiness.

Some of you have probably guessed that my Plan A involves a husband and a house full of kids. Even before I joined the LDS Church, I aspired to motherhood the way my friends aspired to be singers and lawyers and hairdressers. Just seeing baby clothes has made my ovaries ache since I was a teenager.

Now, I’ve heard a lot of leaders in the LDS Church talk about timing, and specifically the need for each of us to trust in the Lord’s timing and the plans He has created for each of us. (There are some real gems in Timing by Elder Dallin H. Oaks). But there is so much more to finding joy in the journey than simply being patient.

Last April, President Dieter F. Uchdorf shared a thought in General Conference that reverberated to my very core. “How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?”

I realized I had become so fixated on this “Golden Ticket” (see President’s Uchtdorf’s talk from October 2011) that I wasn’t appreciative of the skills, lessons and blessings I was acquiring from having this time as a single woman. Rather than truly being present in my life, I was going through the motions, merely enduring the trial of not getting what I want most of all.

Instead of being grateful for things, President Uchtdorf suggested we be thankful in our circumstances, whatever they may be.

Don’t get me wrong—I still want a family more than anything else. And there are still days I am dismayed by the thought that each year that passes reduces the possibility for the family I always dreamed of. But by choosing gratitude, I am happy right now, not just thinking about the someday. Because, let’s be honest… when that someday comes, there will be times of exhaustion and exasperation when I will think back to the life I’m living right now and all I will remember is how good I had it.  

The thing is, Plan A is out of my control. I am hopeful that everything it entails will come about in due time, but I'm not going to sit around waiting for it to happen. My calling in the meantime is to make the best possible use of the talents I've been blessed with. Cause here's the other thing: I have all the power in the world to ensure my life is full of purpose and meaning right now. And, by focusing on being grateful in my circumstances, I have come to love the life I'm living.

Even if I am operating on Plan B.

Quick Glance at 2013

I'm not going to lie, I love the end of the year. I love the cheesey top 10 lists. I love how everyone and everything goes about rehashing the best songs, the biggest newsmakers, the most memorable moments. There's something about wrapping it up into one tidy summary that makes it feel like progress-- that shows you how the world is different, for better or for worse, than it was 12 months before.

It should be no surprise then, that I tried to boil my own life experiences from the past year down into a digestible highlight reel to accompany my Christmas letter (see the results below). I'm not exaggerating when I say 2013 has been one helluva year. All I can say is, life is hard, but it's freakin' good and I can't wait to see what 2014 brings our way. Here's to extra helpings of health and happiness, with just enough hardship to help us know how good we have it!





25 Actionable Objectives for my 25th Year

Well, folks, here it is. My 25th birthday. I can officially rent a car without paying ludicrous young drivers fees. Yes, I have a quarter century of life experience under my belt. What that really amounts to is open to interpretation, but as far as I'm concerned, it's enough to have a pretty good idea of what really matters going forward.

With that in mind, I have set out to establish 25 new actionable objectives for my 25th year of life. They are not necessarily goals in the big, milestone sense, but each item on this list will help me to get closer to being the person that I am trying to become.

Like the good little student that had strategic, SMART goal-making pounded into her head for the past four years, I did my best to think about whether each of these was specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound. That put some objectives out of contention... for example, endeavoring to look like Kate Upton by my 26th birthday is surely setting myself up to fail-- I'm not likely to gain six vertical inches in one year (or at any point in my life, really). Some things just aren't in the cards for me.

Here is what did make the cut.

1. Follow through.

In short, that means holding myself to everything on this list. It also means living up to justified expectations-- my own and others'. Do what you say you are going to do when you are going to do it. Don't drop the ball. And don't take yourself out of the game because you don't think you're good enough to hit a home run-- simply getting on base is more than enough, and everyone is bound to strike out every once in a while (phew, that was quite a baseball analogy for someone who doesn't even like the sport, eh?)


2. Study scriptures daily.

Read. Ponder. Pray. Reflect. Record impressions. And for goodness sake, follow through on getting all the way through the Old Testament. (Currently in Exodus).


3. Pay off my credit card.

There is more than enough student debt to haunt me for a while so it is crucial to get rid of any and all consumer debt now!


4. "Settle" somewhere and make new friends.

I don't mean buying a house or becoming a ball and chain (though I'm not opposed to either of those things, I just don't realistically see them happening within the next year). I just mean pick somewhere to start my post-college life and find people to enjoy the down time with. People to knock items off the bucket list with. Maybe even people who can help keep you positive when the inevitable lows try to knock you down. As of right now... the plan is Calgary by September.


5. Be a full tithe payer, and save as much as I tithe.

I suppose the real underlying goal for both this and number 3 is to be more financially aware and fiscally responsible. Maybe next year, once I have a steady income I can even (gasp!) really start to think about saving for retirement.


6. Conduct personal history interviews with my grandparents and great-grandparents.

Why yes, this is a four-generation picture.

The fact that I have two living great-grandmothers, one of whom is well over 100 years old presents a rather unique opportunity-- but every passing day it risks becoming a missed opportunity. I know I would kick (okay, verbally berate) myself if I let the chance to record their unique perspectives and wealth of experiences slip by.


7. Volunteer and serve regularly.

Though I already have a good idea of what organizations and causes I would most like to get involved in, it sort of depends on where I go, so forgive me if this lacks specificity. The most important thing here is to be actively engaged in the community that I live in, to live focused on the "we" rather than the "me" and to demonstrate through my actions my commitment to being a good global citizen.


8. Read 25 books from my 10-year reading list.

I think a sub-objective here should be to ensure that Jane Austen's novels are among the 25. Maybe it's just the Mormon circles I've been moving in of late, but it seems that my lack of familiarity with the exploits of one Mr. Darcy or poor, shy Fanny Price leave something wanting. Indeed, my very womanhood might be at stake.


9. Take more pictures.

First my digital camera broke, then my phone camera broke. And here I am in DC with only my pitifully unreliable mind to document the visual experience (well, that and a few photos when I manage to trick friends into coming along on excursions with me). I think my first big purchase once I have a steady job will be a decent camera.


10. Create and design a recipe book including favorite family recipes.

I don't think it's any secret that I kind of like to cook and bake. Some people even tell me I'm kind of good at it. The one thing I hate is trying to track down recipes, or trying to remember how I modify a certain recipe to get it the way I like it. I figure this project will give me a good opportunity to gather my resources and try some new recipes too!


11. Learn how to do my hair.

Thankfully, my super-thin, super-fine, super-straight hair doesn't always look like this. Most of the time, though, it's so flat that if it were boobs, Keira Knightly would be busty by comparison. Zer iz no volume to be had! And when was the last time you saw a smokin' hair style without volume?


12. Talk to mom and dad weekly, grandparents frequently and brothers regularly.

13. Blog and/or journal more consistently.

Remember that one time I kept a journal for a whole year? Yah, me neither. I'm incredibly good at telling myself "oh, this is something I'll want to remember later" and terribly bad at actually recording those things in any way, shape, or form. But I have blogged pretty consistently for a week now... progress, right? Now if I can just fulfill number one here then we'll be good to go!


14. Write a letter to catch up with a different old friend every week.

As you might have noticed from a recent blog post, I've had a lot of incredible people in my life at one point or another. It would be a shame to let those relationships fall away completely just because of distance or changed life circumstances.


15. Write more, period.

Now, how can you ignore the Avengers? Stephen King apparently writes 2,000 words a day-- he says a great deal of them never end up being published, but its the constant practice that makes him, well, Stephen King. I could do without the horror and gore (in my own writing that is, many of you know how much I love the genre in my entertainment) but I think that's a pretty strong standard to work towards. Even if it's just 100 words a day, in a year that's 36,500 words closer to a finished novel.


16. Send family members greeting cards ON TIME for all special occasions.

Even when I purchase cards well before the date in question, I have a terrible habit of toting them around in my purse for weeks without sending them... if I ever do. I must crush this habit. I also must be better about sending Thank You cards.


17. Replace my passport, birth certificate and social insurance card.

Because having a valid passport is the first step to actually being able to fill one. The first step to being able to renew my passport is being able to prove my identity... the documents for which were lost when my wallet was stolen three years ago. Time, money, and geographical location have prevented me from taking care of it before now, but since I'm 25 it's probably time to pull on my big girl pants and get my life in order. Who knows when having those things on hand might come in handy (cough, like legally changing one's surname, for example, which leads me to...)


18. Go on more dates than I did last year.

This seems reasonable, considering I only went on one legitimate date in the past year. He is, of course, married now, so...


19. Plant and maintain a garden.

I am the furthest thing from a green thumb that you will ever come across. I have killed every house plant I've ever owned, but I am determined to become one with mother nature (er, sort of). I mean, if a girl daydreams about a country life on a ranch she probably ought to be able to turn a few vegetables in her own garden. That's my goal this year-- even if it's just a few square feet in the ground or boxes on the patio.


20. Maintain a high priority for temple attendance.

For almost two years now I've had the blessing of being able to attend not just one, but many of the gorgeous temples throughout Utah and the many places I have traveled (Washington, DC was my 21st temple!) If I do end up in Calgary, I will again be blessed to have a temple close enough by that temple attendance will not be a great burden to me financially, or in travel time. I know from experience, though, that just because a temple is nearby doesn't mean that it doesn't require some sacrifices to fit regular attendance into your schedule. Like Elder Brad Foster said a couple years ago, "A distraction doesn't have to be evil to be effective."


21. Carry out at least 25 Random Acts of Kindness.

Love begets love, and sometimes the greatest influence can be had through the smallest of actions. Will I actually be keeping tabs on how many random acts of kindness I engage in? Absolutely not! This is on here to remind me to pray continually to find and recognize opportunities to serve, and to answer the call when it comes in.


22. Prepare and send a Christmas letter.

Every year I tell myself that I will send out cards to my friends and relatives, now scattered throughout the far reaches of Canada, America, and most of the rest of the world, too. Every year I tell myself I have plenty of time to draft a letter and track down addresses and every year the Christmas season hits much more quickly than anticipated.


23. Take a dance class.

So I'll never be a contender on So You Think You Can Dance... It would just sure be nice to not look like a total buffoon on the dance floor!


24. Start actually learning Portuguese!

I've got a few phrases under my belt thanks to my time spent with my Brazilian friends. Things like "Eu quero ficar com voce" only get you so far though (although, from what I'm given to understand, that particular sentence could get you quite a ways, if you know what I mean).

25. Work each day to love myself more.

The amount of love I have to truly give other people is directly proportional to how I feel about myself. You cannot give what you don't have. Work on it.

Explorer

For day one on this adventure in perspective I decided to focus on the places I've been lucky enough to explore. Since about 60 percent of my bucket list items involve some kind of travel, this is the area where I have often felt the most behind. Sometimes the nine countries I have visited seem like a woefully small amount for someone who was voted "Most Likely to Travel the World" by her senior class.

Nevertheless, I have been incredibly blessed to explore some of the finest cities and landscapes this earth has ever seen, not the least of which are my stomping grounds on the Northwest coast of Canada... Prince Rupert and Haida Gwaii have a rare, rugged beauty and I am proud to call them home. How many kids get to grow up in a place where this is what playing in the backyard looked like:

That being said, here is my list of 25 of the most incredible places I have been in my life so far (in no particular order):

1. France

From the bustling streets of Paris to the patriotic sands of Juno to the pink granite coast of Brittany and beyond,  my 10 months in France were full of travel and exploration.

2. Utah

3. Frankfurt, Germany

4. London, England

5. Bruges, Belgium

Also known as the Venice of the North

6. Mexico

I went to Peurto Vallarta with my family when I was 11 and ten years later I got to climb the Teotihuacan pyramids outside Mexico City.

7. Panama

8. Honduras

9. Peru

High in the Andes, in the cobbled streets of Cuzco or on the red sand beaches of Lima, I loved it all.

10. San Francisco, California

11. Nashville and Memphis, Tennessee

12. The Oregon Coast

13. Atlanta, Georgia

14. Kansas City, Missouri

15. Seattle, Washington

16. Four Corners, USA

Ever been four places at once?

17. Washington, DC

For the past two months I have worked just a couple blocks north of this, perhaps the most iconic house in the entire United States of America.

18. Denver, Colorado

19. Liberty Jail and Carthage Jail

For those who don't know, these two jails are church historical sites where the prophet Joseph Smith was imprisoned at different times. The building seen here in Carthage, Illinois, is where Smith was martyred.

20. Moab/Delicate Arch

21. Zion National Park

I loved the view from the top of Angel's Landing... but I wouldn't recommend making the hike in the middle of the day when it's 104 degrees outside.

22. Ding and Dang Slot Canyons

This hiking and scrambling adventure was one of the most physically and mentally challenging things I've ever done, and it was amazing.

23. Mont St. Michel

The old abbey-cum-medieval city was one of my favorite things about France.

24. Mesa Verde Cliff Dwellings

So much mystery!

25. Las Vegas, Nevada

The more I put on the list, the more I realized there was still to add, like one of my absolute favorite cities, Quebec City. As I counted, I realized I've been to 16 U.S. States, including driving through Idaho and Montana more times than I care to count, and I have traveled for all sorts of reasons. It was awesome to reflect on those trips, and the people I went with or met along the way. Really, my travel experiences have been rich. The only downside of this little exercise is that I think I can feel the bottoms of my feet beginning to itch. I guess there really is no cure once you're bit by the travel bug...