Just Call Me Master

Well, folks, the countdown is on. I am officially moving to Ontario in August.

Though I've only been in Cowtown for a year and a half, being somewhat settled was starting to feel strangely unsettling. Dang restless ambition started acting up and, long story short... I'm on my way to grad school in the fall. The University of Ottawa, to be exact. AKA "Canada's University", where I will be pursuing a Master of Arts in Globalization and International Development. Swanky, right?

Okay, not really. Maybe what you should really call me is "Glutton for Punishment". Here's to another two years of being school-poor and stressed! But I AM super stoked. I've been cultivating my interest in social issues, development and policy for many years, from the Kaien Island Youth Council to BC Youth Parliament to the World Youth Congress to the CIDA-sponsored journalism fellowship in Latin America in 2009. This just feels like the right next step in the natural evolution to where I hope to end up professionally.

You may be wondering what exactly it is that I will be studying. In short, international development is about building a better quality of life and more prosperous societies through social and economic advancement. That means finding, implementing and supporting practical, long-term solutions to reduce poverty, improve health, support innovation and protect the environment. No small task... to some the entire concept is daunting or even futile. Like no matter what we do it's only a drop in the bucket.

I think maybe Alma best captures my position on this matter: "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." (Alma 37:6)

The big Plan B dream? Contribute to the ongoing normalization of communications as an integral component of development planning and further the use of communications as a catalyst for social change and development. Or, in other words, put my communications background to good use working for either an United Nations agency or Foreign Affairs, Trade and Development Canada.

While I'm really not sure yet what my thesis topic will be, I am working on fleshing out one idea that's been marinating in my mind (I have described it below for those who are truly interested or who, like my mom, are interested because they love me and will try to be interested in anything that interests me).

Mostly my mind is consumed with trying to figure out all the logistics of moving across the country and affording it all. I was fortunate to receive an admission scholarship that will be immensely helpful, but it will still leave me short. Soooo, I will take this opportunity to also let you know that I will be selling myself for the next few months. Seriously, if you know anyone in the Calgary area that needs a house or pet sitter, a French tutor (or, I guess, a "French" tutor ;p), a friend for hire, whatever-- hit this girl up! I reserve the right to vet any and all propositions at my own discretion ;)

I'll also be taking suggestions for my newly-minted Ottawa Bucket List.

Thanks friends :)


Thoughts for Thesis
One area of special intrigue for me is the growing problem of obesity in the developing world. Two thirds of the world’s obese now live in developing nations and the World Economic Forum ranks non-communicable diseases, including obesity, as one of the top global threats to economic development. In many places the increasing availability of cheap, imported and highly-processed foods is supplanting traditional diets. Additionally, while in developed countries obesity is widely considered to be a condition congruent with lower socioeconomic status and educational attainment, the inverse appears to be true in countries with a low human development index. Which basically means it is something many aspire to.

From a macro perspective, I am interested in the ramifications on global health and the economy and how this impacts the worldwide discussion on malnutrition. From a communications perspective, I am curious about the impact of global media and western values on food choices, the messaging and communication channels surrounding food, nutrition, and health, as well as the local cultural implications of body image. For example, in Mauritania, a woman’s size is traditionally linked to her father’s wealth and power. As in, the bigger the better. In 2003, government efforts to warn women of the dangers of obesity via radio were largely ignored. While the practice of force feeding is gradually diminishing, the even more dangerous practice of “chemical gavage”, where girls take growth hormones and other dangerous drugs to bulk up, is on the rise. It now impacts about one third of the country’s women.

Based on existing research, it should not be surprising that radio ads did little to sway the public in Mauritania. “Research has shown that, while groups of the public can obtain information from impersonal sources like radio and television, this information has relatively little effect on behavioral changes. And development envisions precisely such change”  In other words, there is a definite need to bridge awareness of the problem and practical implementation of necessary lifestyle changes. One potential objective for this topic would be to identify and test the efficacy (in terms of behavioral change) of mass communication techniques based on interpersonal means of communication.

Or something like that :)

I'd love to hear any thoughts/suggestions from any other nerds out there who'd like to chime in.

25 Actionable Objectives for my 25th Year

Well, folks, here it is. My 25th birthday. I can officially rent a car without paying ludicrous young drivers fees. Yes, I have a quarter century of life experience under my belt. What that really amounts to is open to interpretation, but as far as I'm concerned, it's enough to have a pretty good idea of what really matters going forward.

With that in mind, I have set out to establish 25 new actionable objectives for my 25th year of life. They are not necessarily goals in the big, milestone sense, but each item on this list will help me to get closer to being the person that I am trying to become.

Like the good little student that had strategic, SMART goal-making pounded into her head for the past four years, I did my best to think about whether each of these was specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound. That put some objectives out of contention... for example, endeavoring to look like Kate Upton by my 26th birthday is surely setting myself up to fail-- I'm not likely to gain six vertical inches in one year (or at any point in my life, really). Some things just aren't in the cards for me.

Here is what did make the cut.

1. Follow through.

In short, that means holding myself to everything on this list. It also means living up to justified expectations-- my own and others'. Do what you say you are going to do when you are going to do it. Don't drop the ball. And don't take yourself out of the game because you don't think you're good enough to hit a home run-- simply getting on base is more than enough, and everyone is bound to strike out every once in a while (phew, that was quite a baseball analogy for someone who doesn't even like the sport, eh?)


2. Study scriptures daily.

Read. Ponder. Pray. Reflect. Record impressions. And for goodness sake, follow through on getting all the way through the Old Testament. (Currently in Exodus).


3. Pay off my credit card.

There is more than enough student debt to haunt me for a while so it is crucial to get rid of any and all consumer debt now!


4. "Settle" somewhere and make new friends.

I don't mean buying a house or becoming a ball and chain (though I'm not opposed to either of those things, I just don't realistically see them happening within the next year). I just mean pick somewhere to start my post-college life and find people to enjoy the down time with. People to knock items off the bucket list with. Maybe even people who can help keep you positive when the inevitable lows try to knock you down. As of right now... the plan is Calgary by September.


5. Be a full tithe payer, and save as much as I tithe.

I suppose the real underlying goal for both this and number 3 is to be more financially aware and fiscally responsible. Maybe next year, once I have a steady income I can even (gasp!) really start to think about saving for retirement.


6. Conduct personal history interviews with my grandparents and great-grandparents.

Why yes, this is a four-generation picture.

The fact that I have two living great-grandmothers, one of whom is well over 100 years old presents a rather unique opportunity-- but every passing day it risks becoming a missed opportunity. I know I would kick (okay, verbally berate) myself if I let the chance to record their unique perspectives and wealth of experiences slip by.


7. Volunteer and serve regularly.

Though I already have a good idea of what organizations and causes I would most like to get involved in, it sort of depends on where I go, so forgive me if this lacks specificity. The most important thing here is to be actively engaged in the community that I live in, to live focused on the "we" rather than the "me" and to demonstrate through my actions my commitment to being a good global citizen.


8. Read 25 books from my 10-year reading list.

I think a sub-objective here should be to ensure that Jane Austen's novels are among the 25. Maybe it's just the Mormon circles I've been moving in of late, but it seems that my lack of familiarity with the exploits of one Mr. Darcy or poor, shy Fanny Price leave something wanting. Indeed, my very womanhood might be at stake.


9. Take more pictures.

First my digital camera broke, then my phone camera broke. And here I am in DC with only my pitifully unreliable mind to document the visual experience (well, that and a few photos when I manage to trick friends into coming along on excursions with me). I think my first big purchase once I have a steady job will be a decent camera.


10. Create and design a recipe book including favorite family recipes.

I don't think it's any secret that I kind of like to cook and bake. Some people even tell me I'm kind of good at it. The one thing I hate is trying to track down recipes, or trying to remember how I modify a certain recipe to get it the way I like it. I figure this project will give me a good opportunity to gather my resources and try some new recipes too!


11. Learn how to do my hair.

Thankfully, my super-thin, super-fine, super-straight hair doesn't always look like this. Most of the time, though, it's so flat that if it were boobs, Keira Knightly would be busty by comparison. Zer iz no volume to be had! And when was the last time you saw a smokin' hair style without volume?


12. Talk to mom and dad weekly, grandparents frequently and brothers regularly.

13. Blog and/or journal more consistently.

Remember that one time I kept a journal for a whole year? Yah, me neither. I'm incredibly good at telling myself "oh, this is something I'll want to remember later" and terribly bad at actually recording those things in any way, shape, or form. But I have blogged pretty consistently for a week now... progress, right? Now if I can just fulfill number one here then we'll be good to go!


14. Write a letter to catch up with a different old friend every week.

As you might have noticed from a recent blog post, I've had a lot of incredible people in my life at one point or another. It would be a shame to let those relationships fall away completely just because of distance or changed life circumstances.


15. Write more, period.

Now, how can you ignore the Avengers? Stephen King apparently writes 2,000 words a day-- he says a great deal of them never end up being published, but its the constant practice that makes him, well, Stephen King. I could do without the horror and gore (in my own writing that is, many of you know how much I love the genre in my entertainment) but I think that's a pretty strong standard to work towards. Even if it's just 100 words a day, in a year that's 36,500 words closer to a finished novel.


16. Send family members greeting cards ON TIME for all special occasions.

Even when I purchase cards well before the date in question, I have a terrible habit of toting them around in my purse for weeks without sending them... if I ever do. I must crush this habit. I also must be better about sending Thank You cards.


17. Replace my passport, birth certificate and social insurance card.

Because having a valid passport is the first step to actually being able to fill one. The first step to being able to renew my passport is being able to prove my identity... the documents for which were lost when my wallet was stolen three years ago. Time, money, and geographical location have prevented me from taking care of it before now, but since I'm 25 it's probably time to pull on my big girl pants and get my life in order. Who knows when having those things on hand might come in handy (cough, like legally changing one's surname, for example, which leads me to...)


18. Go on more dates than I did last year.

This seems reasonable, considering I only went on one legitimate date in the past year. He is, of course, married now, so...


19. Plant and maintain a garden.

I am the furthest thing from a green thumb that you will ever come across. I have killed every house plant I've ever owned, but I am determined to become one with mother nature (er, sort of). I mean, if a girl daydreams about a country life on a ranch she probably ought to be able to turn a few vegetables in her own garden. That's my goal this year-- even if it's just a few square feet in the ground or boxes on the patio.


20. Maintain a high priority for temple attendance.

For almost two years now I've had the blessing of being able to attend not just one, but many of the gorgeous temples throughout Utah and the many places I have traveled (Washington, DC was my 21st temple!) If I do end up in Calgary, I will again be blessed to have a temple close enough by that temple attendance will not be a great burden to me financially, or in travel time. I know from experience, though, that just because a temple is nearby doesn't mean that it doesn't require some sacrifices to fit regular attendance into your schedule. Like Elder Brad Foster said a couple years ago, "A distraction doesn't have to be evil to be effective."


21. Carry out at least 25 Random Acts of Kindness.

Love begets love, and sometimes the greatest influence can be had through the smallest of actions. Will I actually be keeping tabs on how many random acts of kindness I engage in? Absolutely not! This is on here to remind me to pray continually to find and recognize opportunities to serve, and to answer the call when it comes in.


22. Prepare and send a Christmas letter.

Every year I tell myself that I will send out cards to my friends and relatives, now scattered throughout the far reaches of Canada, America, and most of the rest of the world, too. Every year I tell myself I have plenty of time to draft a letter and track down addresses and every year the Christmas season hits much more quickly than anticipated.


23. Take a dance class.

So I'll never be a contender on So You Think You Can Dance... It would just sure be nice to not look like a total buffoon on the dance floor!


24. Start actually learning Portuguese!

I've got a few phrases under my belt thanks to my time spent with my Brazilian friends. Things like "Eu quero ficar com voce" only get you so far though (although, from what I'm given to understand, that particular sentence could get you quite a ways, if you know what I mean).

25. Work each day to love myself more.

The amount of love I have to truly give other people is directly proportional to how I feel about myself. You cannot give what you don't have. Work on it.

Confronting the Quarterlife Crisis

Well, here it comes... the downhill side of twenty-something. A pity too, cause according to most lists I've found online, I didn't exactly get around to a good deal of the 25 things every-self-respecting-person-just-has-to-do-before-they-reach-25. I guess youth really is wasted on the young.

If you'd asked me last year or even a couple of months ago, I might have bought into the idea of the quarterlife crisis. I mean, you see that number looming and you know that means 30 is right on the horizon and suddenly you just get caught up in all the things you haven't done-- all the places you haven't travelled to, the milestones you haven't reached, the pounds you haven't shed. All of that bubbling potential, all those expectations levied on you when you graduated high school, what have they amounted to, you wonder? Just where is my life going? And, if you've spent any time living in Provo, why aren't I married yet?

You look around and it's all like, oh there's Adele winning another Grammy. And don't even get me started on that skank Jennifer Lawrence, whose got an Oscar and two years in hand on me (seriously though, I love the crap out of that chick). Even your friends with "normal" lives seem to have it all figured out-- working important jobs, starting families, buying houses. And then, of course you realize that your dad had four kids by the time he was your age.

It's hard to avoid that engulfing sense of panic and dread, when the real world is beckoning and you can't make out which path it is you're supposed to be taking, through the early-adulthood haze caused by struggling to carve out your own identity, coping with fear of failure or loneliness and realizing you have to actually confront life decisions rather than avoid them or put them off. Then questioning, how do I even know if I'm making the right decision?

You know how when you're little the world seems so exciting because it's wide open and your parents assure you that you can, unequivocally, be anything you want to be? But somewhere along the line, people stopped asking what you wanted to be in that indeterminate future when you grew up. Somehow your future snuck into the present and now everyone wants to know what you ARE doing with your life and you feel like you should have a better answer than "sucking Nutella off a spoon and screaming at the TV while watching the Bachelorette".

I think part of what makes it all so jostling is that I was one of those kids who supposedly had it all figured out. I have planned my entire life 20 times over. The problem is that life doesn't seem to have gotten the many memos about all my wonderful plans.

But you know what? I'm glad.

Some of the best things that have happened in my life were brought about by the unwelcome moments when my life seemed to veer wildly off the course I charted for it. I'm learning that it's ok to not have everything 100 percent figured out... as it turns out, it doesn't matter what rung of the ladder you're on, so long as you're heading in the right direction. And I truly believe there is someone out there who knows better than I do, who has built a better life for me than I could have envisioned for myself, and He is guiding me so long as I want to put my trust and faith in Him. As for me, I'm enjoying the journey.

Besides, who wants to reach the destination at 25? Then what?

In recent months I've shared some of my feelings about this big quarterlife moment with a few close friends and the number one response I've gotten (besides maybe "Give me a break, you're still a baby!") is that I need a healthy dose of perspective. I'm the first to admit that I've done some pretty cool things in my life, but it's helpful to be reminded that life is about more than a series of items to knock off a bucket list (though that's a lot of fun!)

With that in mind, I endeavor to get some clear perspective over the next few days. Instead of looking at someone else's list for what I should have accomplished by now I'm going to go by my own standards and share my own "top 25" lists-- outstanding moments from my life so far, friends I've been blessed with, things that make me smile, books that matter to me. If we're all lucky, maybe it will even mean something to you. But, if you've made it this far and you feel so inclined, please leave me a message to let me know how you felt or feel about turning 25 (or any other age that maybe made you reflect on your life a little bit).

In the meantime, in case you're wondering what I'm doing with my life... I'm living it (and probably watching the Bachelorette, too). Cause you know, YOLO and stuff.

I won't be less than what I am

So there’s this guy in one of my classes… We randomly sat beside each other on the first day and we’ve been talking for months now. Recently, in typical fashion he asked me if I had any hot date plans for the weekend and instead of replying with my usual sarcasm, I kind of complained about the fact that I don’t tend to get asked out very often… at all. To which he replied:

“You’re kind of intimidating. You have a lot going for yourself and I think guys have a hard time picturing themselves as a part of your plans.”

Apparently, as he went on to explain, there’d been a point that he wanted to ask me out, but when he heard about all the stuff I had going on in my life and saw how outspoken I was, he lost his nerve. Not long thereafter he started dating—no joke—a Family Life major. 

First of all, telling me I’m intimidating is not flattering, for you or for me. At the risk of offending those stereotyped as purely seeking an MRS degree, the message I got from that conversation is that I would be significantly more datable if I wasn’t quite so busy and goal driven, and more meek. Oh, and that guys generally lack balls (which I’m not entirely inclined to believe).

Second of all, I call BS!! Excuse my French, but I have reason to believe that there are other factors, more physical perhaps, from which most guys pre-determine that they don’t really want to date me. I do and I don’t have a problem with this, but that is not something I want to get into here.

Third, what on earth is wrong with an ambitious woman?

Concessions: Yes, I have a busy schedule and a lot going on in my life. Yes, I get excited about personal goals and I work towards them. Why? Because I want my life to be full! This is not to say that I don’t think that my life would be full as a full time mom and wife… in fact, that’s exactly what I do want to fill my life with. Seeing as how that’s not a prospect on the horizon for me right now, I want to fill my life in a meaningful way. I’m not going to sit and read the dictionary on Friday nights (http://universe.byu.edu/node/13392), waiting for some guy to come along and make all my dreams a reality.

While being a wife and mom is what I want most, and I would ultimately give up anything to achieve those things, there are other things I’d like to accomplish in my life. Besides, why should I be bored and lonely just to stroke some male ego into thinking that he’s the most important thing I’ve got going on? Wouldn’t it be more validating to know that someone is making a choice, and foregoing other things to be with you? Isn't it more humbling to know that a woman is capable of taking care of herself but she elects to trust her care to you? 

What it comes down to is that I’m attempting to take the time now to work on myself, develop my skills, and expand my horizons because I am striving to become the type of woman, wife and mother that I ultimately want to be. I refuse to believe that it takes a man to make me whole. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a total blue personality. My core motivation in life is intimacy—sharing rich, deep emotions that bind people together.

It’s just that I see “finding your other half” and finding someone who “completes” you as two different things. For me, the latter is a function that can only be fulfilled by our Savior, Jesus Christ. I am a strong proponent of love triangles involving God (which sounds weird, I know… but if you understand the principle of a triangle- how the distance between the base points is shortened if the distance between each of them and their common point is shortened- then you know how individual relationships with God strengthen a couple’s relationship).

I think that learning to become one in a relationship does not mean McGyvering together two things that are less than what they are capable of being. I subscribe to the belief that it takes two complete and complimentary individuals to form a true, eternal relationship because you cannot fully give of yourself unless you are whole to begin with.  Logically, I suppose it takes a strong man to balance out a strong woman.

If you knew anything about me at all, you would know that I would sacrifice any amount of time, personal effort or convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships that last through the trials that life throws at them. 

So yes, I am ambitious. I am confident. I am goal driven. I am intelligent. I am busy. I am spiritual. I am outspoken. I am opinionated. And you probably won't ever describe me as meek or submissive in a relationship scenario. So, it appears as though I am totally capable of taking care of myself, but I am also vulnerable. I have a multitude of weaknesses and insecurities. If you want to truly know me, you need to invest time in me. You just might find my softer side and see that I am also loyal, compassionate, romantic and affectionate, for example. 

My message for men is this: If you're that intimidated by a woman who can hold her own, then you are not at all what I am looking for either. And hey, you might not realize it, but I happen to know that you are missing out on something pretty great.